Many of us have wondered how to play and interact with our children, or even contemplate on how to get our children to play and stay engaged meaningfully and independently. While some children naturally develop play skills, others—especially children with autism—may need more encouragement and guidance on how to play.
Teaching children how to play may sound challenging, but the good news is that teaching play skills can be made simple, fun and encouraging!
At Autism Partnership Singapore, we see play as a very crucial part of our children’s development. It is not just keeping children entertained. Play teaches children how to be independent, stay engaged, learn to navigate.
Play also helps with children’s communication and increasing social opportunities as well.
Some children may:
These seem challenging to address. However, that does not mean that these children cannot learn how to play. They just need proper guidance and positive associations on the different ways of play!
We all learn best when we are motivated. This applies to our children too! We first begin with activities our children already enjoy.
Ask yourself “what do I see my child play with the most?” “Is there any common theme to the things my child plays with?”
Some common toys are:
Some common themes we observe are:
Using preferred activities help our children associate play more positively!
Nobody likes it when our activity gets interrupted abruptly. We do not want our children to start pulling away from you whenever you try to come near. This in turn will make our children less receptive to new ideas and so teaching play guidance even more challenging.
So instead of telling our children what and how to play immediately, we can first try to join in their way of play.
Some tips for us are:
Doing this in a gentle and encouraging manner helps build trust and associate fun with you being around. This will help us greatly when we start guiding them and teaching them new play skills.
Engage their hearts and the rest will follow!
First, let’s explore our 5 senses:
Taste and Smell may not be as applicable now. So let us just zoom into the first 3 Sight, Hearing, and Touch.
Movement, quantity, size, colours, lights, cause and effect, familiar characters, dramatic expressions – these are some ways to catch our children’s visual attention.
For auditory attention – silly sounds, music, songs, silly play comments, rhythm and beat are some we can make use of to get to them. You can also consider changing the lyrics of the songs too!
If the activity or toy is interactive, has things like buttons, or textures, perhaps even cause and effect, some hugs and squeezes or even tickles – half the battle is done!
For example, you observe that your child enjoys playing with cars, you can try:
Allow children to navigate the new activity and see how else they want it to be. Giving our children some form of control and autonomy helps to build confidence which then allows them to be more open towards the new things we want them to explore.
Children may not want to attempt the new activity if it seems too boring. They may also get too overwhelmed if the activity is too complex and difficult to comprehend too. In order for children to feel like they can also pick up new play skills, we need to break the skills down into bite size so that they feel more successful and confident too.
For example, you observe that your child enjoys playing with ball but only rolls the ball back and forth, and you would like to teach your child to push the ball towards something so that the ball activity is more appropriate.
Let’s break it down:
Note that at the start, we are doing most of the work here as we just want our children to find the activity fun.
Once you see that your child seems to enjoy the simplified bowling:
You can also use a car to knock down the structure if your child enjoys playing with car more than the ball. When you see that your child is starting to enjoy the activity, you can then introduce the ball to replace the car next time!
Breaking the skills down helps them feel like they can do it even if it seems new and intimidating at first glance. When they feel the success, they do not feel aversion towards the activity nor towards the learning as well. This will help them to be even more receptive towards learning new play skills in the future.
Give yourself and your child time to explore the new play skill. You can also do it a few times over a few days too. Don’t be disheartened too – it is also okay if your child does not pick this new play skill over the old one. New interests take time to develop!
Communication starts from understanding children’s interests. If we observe that our children enjoy bubble play, we can then make use of that to get some communication going.
One way is to intentionally create a pause during the fun activity to encourage communication.
For example, you observe that your child enjoys bubble play but does not know how to aim and blow yet.
You can try to:
Some other pauses to create intent to speak are:
These pauses encourage children to:
These “disruptions” help to create moments of meaningful communication!
Once we observe that our children enjoy new activities, and also receptive in having us join in or guide them through new ways of playing, we then can gradually introduce slightly more complex play skills such as:
Eventually they will even enjoy playing more variety of activities with family and friends!
Progress may happen slowly, but it is more important to go at our children’s pace. Jumping steps and giving them too much demands may end up causing aversion, which is something we do not want to see happening, especially not with play.
Consistent positive association and practices help build trust and confidence in children. This will lead to them being more receptive towards appropriate and meaningful play with others.
Teaching and engaging children in play do not require expensive toys or complicated activities. The most important ingredient is meaningfulness and enjoyment.
By following your child’s interests, keeping activities fun, and teaching in small steps, parents can help children develop confidence and increase independence and interaction through play.
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Written by Liling Loh (MSc DDCP, BCBA)
Senior Case Supervisor
Liling Loh is a Behaviour Consultant at Autism Partnership Singapore. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from James Cook University, Australia. Having worked at Autism Partnership Singapore since 2014, Liling has worked with many children of varied age groups, ranging from 2 to 16 years old in both one-to-one and classroom settings, with an average of 4 to 6 children per group. Her expertise in groups includes teaching children relevant skills required for school; to improve and have an understanding of appropriate social behaviours, as well as to develop meaningful effects for one another.
Liling has also provided shadow-aide support for children in mainstream and international schools to assist and facilitate children to adapt to a school environment. She has conducted social groups, regularly bringing groups of children aged 10 and above on regular outings, as well as parent and helper training to guide caregivers on managing their children in an everyday natural setting.
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