“My child with autism doesn’t really listen, what’s happening?”
But often, children with autism are not being defiant or intentionally ignoring instructions. There are usually underlying reasons why they struggle to respond.
A child with autism may:
Understanding why your child with autism is struggling to listen is the first step towards helping them succeed.
For a child with autism, shifting attention away from a preferred activity requires extra effort. This means that they genuinely might not register that someone is speaking to them while their attention is captured by an activity.
Before giving instructions, move closer to your child, rather than calling out to them from across the room, getting down to their eye level, calling their name gently and then wait until they look or respond. If it helps, reducing environmental distractions such as lowering the music volume or pausing the video may help.
This simple strategy can greatly improve listening and instruction-following at home.
Instead of presenting a long instruction, break it into smaller components. Wait for your child to complete the first step before introducing the next.
Instead of saying:
“Go upstairs, change your clothes, then wash your hands, and come down for dinner.”
You may try:
“Go upstairs and change your clothes.”(Wait for completion, provide positive reinforcement, then give the next step) “wash your hands and then sit down”.
Breaking tasks into smaller instructions helps children with autism understand expectations more clearly.
Instead of:
Try:
Clear, specific instructions improve understanding and reduce frustration.
For example:
“Can you put your shoes on?”
If “no” is not actually an option, it is better to say:
“Time to put your shoes on.”
Children with autism often interpret language literally, so calm and direct communication works best.
This creates a clear, predictable boundary by stating what must happen first before your child can access what comes then.
Examples:
Children learn quickly from patterns.
If instructions are repeatedly delayed, negotiated, or ignored, children may learn that they do not need to respond immediately. Ensuring the given instruction consistently leads to the expected response from the child is important for building instructional control.
Try to:
Consistency helps children with autism feel more secure and understand expectations better.
When your child listens or follows instructions:
For example:
Giving positive attention when our children listen, encourages them to repeat the behaviour again in the future.
Some programs that are useful to target compliance behaviours are:
With consistent practice, children on the autism spectrum can make meaningful progress in listening, communication, and daily independence.
Listening is not simply about obedience, it is a developmental skill that strengthens over time.
When children with autism are supported with clear communication, consistent follow-through, patience, and motivation, they are more likely to succeed in everyday environments at home, at school, and out in the community.
Ultimately, the long-term plan is not simply compliance. Instead, it is about supporting our children to become more confident, independent, and meaningfully connected in their daily life.
______________________
Written by Justina Tan (MSc DDCP, BCBA)
Senior Case Supervisor
Justina Tan holds a Master of Science in Development, Disorders, and Clinical Practice from University of York (UK) and a Bachelor of Psychology from Murdoch University (Perth, WA). She has been working with Autism Partnership Singapore since 2015. She holds a Certificate in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) from Endicott College (USA) and is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA).
Besides providing 1:1 intensive ABA intervention and group therapy, she has supported children across various settings (such as clinic, home, community and school environments). She values working closely with each child’s support system (teachers, families, caregivers, and allied health professionals) to ensure consistency and generalisation of behaviours and skills across settings.
Presently, Justina is a Senor Case Supervisor at Autism Partnership Singapore. She brings expertise in designing ABA programmes and provides supervision and training to her teams to meet each child’s specific developmental needs. Rather than applying one-size-fits-all methods, she adapts strategies to support meaningful progress in areas such as communication, school readiness, independence, play skills and emotional regulation skills.
Contact us today to learn more about evidence-based autism treatment and individualised ABA therapy programs.
Written by Reshani Satharasinghe, Clinical Director of Autism Partnership Singapore Over the years, I have met many parents who come to me with the same question: “What is the difference between Autistic Disorder and Asperger’s Syndrome?” Some parents tell me their child was diagnosed with Asperger’s, not autism. Others hear from friends or online sources […]
Please share to let more people learn about ASD and ABA therapy:
AP holds the belief that with quality Autism Partnership Method (APM) treatment, individuals with autism should reach their fullest potential and achieve the greatest degree of independence and highest quality of life possible.
Sign up now to get ABA and Autism related news delivered to your inbox. Enter your email to get started
Autism Partnership Singapore
All information received will always remain confidential. We will contact you as soon as we review your message. Thanks
